The Matchbreaker
by J. R. Williams
Summary: A parody of Thorton Wilder's, The Matchmaker
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone... This is my first story. Well really it's not my story, because... well it's a parody. But anyway, if you're looking for a cheep thrill here it is. The Matchbreaker, and parody of The Matchmaker by Thorton Wilder.

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Disclaimer: I do not own this story, or the characters.

Mr. Vandergelder... Bowser

Ambrose... Yoshi

Joe...Waluigi

Gertrude... Kamek

Cornelius... Luigi

Ermengarde... Birdo

Malachi... Toad

Mrs. Levi... Peach

Barnaby... Mario

Mrs. Molloy... Daisy

Minnie... Toadette

Cabman... Wario

Rudolf... Toadsworth

Miss Van Huysen... Kammy

The Matchbreaker, act one

It is a bright and sunny morning in the Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser is sitting in his favorite chair, getting ready for his big day... a marriage. This is a big deal indeed, because Bowser's only love has been his wallet, he has always loved his money, and now that's about to change.

Bowser is in his house beginning shaved by his barber, Waluigi, and is in deep conversation with Yoshi.

Bowser (obviously angry): Now listen here Yoshi! I'll tell you for the hundredth time you will never marry my niece.

Yoshi: Well, I'll tell you for the thousandth, that I will marry your niece and right soon too!

Bowser (dismissing the conversation): Now away with you Yoshi, I have more important matters to deal with.

Yoshi: Your niece is of age, Bowser, Birdo has consented to marry me! This is free country – Bowser, not some private kingdom of your own!

Bowser: There are no free countries for fools, Yoshi. Now thanks for your visit, and you better leave before I make you!

As Bowser stands up, Waluigi jumps back afraid that he might cut Bowser's throat.

Waluigi: Bowser, will you please sit still for one minute? If I cut your throat, it'll practically be unintentional.

Bowser (to Yoshi): And besides Birdo doesn't need someone who can't support her.

Yoshi: But I can support her! I make a very good living.

Bowser: Ha! You call what you do a living? Selling a painting here and there... ooo big whoop! Now you listen here Yoshi, a living is made by selling something that people need at least once a year. You... painters, sell stuff that no one needs.

Yoshi: Are you mocking me?

Bowser: _Are you mocking me? _Oh shut up and leave!

Yoshi reluctantly turns around and begins to leave, but suddenly Kamek comes crashing into the room.

Kamek (deaf old man): BOWSER!

Bowser: Yes, Kamek?

Kamek: Bowser! I just finished Birdo's stuff, she's been helping me.

Bowser: That's nice... now go tell Luigi I need to talk to him.

Kamek: Yes sir! BIRDO YOUR UNCLE WANTS TO SPEAK TO YOU!

Bowser: No you idiot! LUIGI!

Kamek: Don't shout, don't' shout, I can hear perfectly well.. (while descending down the stairs) MARIO!

Bowser: sigh

Waluigi: There, I'm finally finished.

Bowser: Fine, very fine, Waluigi. I enjoy it very much, you did a magnificent job!

Waluigi: All I did was trim your hair and give you a nice clean shave.

Bowser: Yes, and it was wonderful! Here take 10 coins and enjoy yourself.

Waluigi: Yes sir! (Takes the coins and heads down stairs.)

Birdo slowly walks into the room.

Birdo: You wanted to speak to me?

Bowser: No, I didn't Kamek is just deaf, but since you're here, I guess I could talk to you. Well I had a talk with that boy friend of yours.

Birdo: Oh! Wasn't he the greatest? Isn't he so cute? Oh I—

Bowser: He's a fool!

Birdo (bursting into uncontrollable sobs): What! NO! How could you say something like that!

Bowser: Well he is, all he does is sell paintings.

Birdo: All you do is sit here and insult people.

Bowser: I do not you loathsome girl!

Birdo (sobbing even harder): Oh uncle, how could you say things like that to me?

Bowser: Why are you crying?

Birdo: Because I love him!

Bowser: Who?

Birdo: YOSHI!

Bowser: Oh yah, him. Forget him.

Birdo: But I love him!

Bowser: Too bad!

Birdo: If I don't marry Yoshi, I know I'll die?

Bowser: Of what?

Birdo: A broken heart.

Bowser: Eww, that could get messy. Ugh, look I've scheduled Peach to come take you to Kammy's house tonight. You can stay there until you get this nonsense out of your puny little head of yours.

Toad enters the room.

Bowser: And you are?

Toad (obviously nervous): Um, Toad, sir. I... I heard you wanted an apprentice.

Bowser: Birdo, leave.

Birdo (still crying): Okay...

Bowser: So do you have any letters of recommendation?

Toad ( almost too eager to please): Yep! Yes sir! Right here.

Toad searches his pockets but finds nothing.

Toad: Ugh... ummmmmm, I thought I had them, oh well I must have lost him. So got any beer?

Bowser: Ya right... hey! This is supposed to be a job interview, you've lost your papers, your asking for beer, and you expect me to hire you?

Toad says nothing but keeps smiling.

Bowser: Well I could use you in Toad Town today.

Toad: YAY!

Bowser: Please, don't get too excited.

Toad: OKAY!

Bowser: Please, now I want you to take Birdo's suitcase to the train station in Toad Town. Then meet me at Tase T.'s restaurant.

Toad: Yes, yes sir! Train station. Tase T.'s restaurant. You won't regret this one bit, not at all.

Toad turns around and falls down the stairs.

Toad: I'm all right.

Bowser: Ugh, I regret this already.

Luigi walks up:

Luigi: Yes sir, you would like to speak to me?

Bowser: Ah yes, Luigi. I was thinking of promoting you today.

Luigi: Really? Wow!

Bowser: Yes, now all I want you to do is get Mario up here, I need to talk to both of you... I think I'll give both of you a promotion.

Luigi: Really? Wow!

Bowser: Okay, I've had enough of you go away.

Luigi: Yes sir.

Luigi walks down the stairs, and Birdo enters from the bedroom.

Birdo: When are we going to take my luggage to the train station?

Bowser: Ugh, Toad forgot to take it. . . idiot. Anyway, I want you to get prepared, Peach will be taking you to the train station. I want you to take your own luggage.

Birdo (bursting into tears): But it's too heavy!

Bowser: Kamek will help you.

Kamek (from downstairs): HUH?!?!

Bowser: Kamek! Get up here!

Kamek: Alright.

Kamek walks up the stairs, followed by Luigi, and Mario.

Bowser: Help, Birdo get her stuff to the station.

Kamek: Okay, okay... Birdo darling come with me.

Birdo and Kamek walk back into the bedroom, as Peach enters from downstairs

Peach: Hello

Bowser: Peach, I'm glad you came... I wish to speak to you, once I'm done with these two.

Peach: Oh, yes of course.

Bowser: Boys! I called you up here to tell about your promotion, and also to tell you to shape up your act. Boys, you're going to have to keep this place cleaner... because you're going to have a mistress.

Mario: Me? But I'm to young!

Bowser: Not you, you idiot! ME! Now if the downstairs is spotless when I'm done up here, you just might get a few extra coins

Luigi and Mario: Yes sir!

Mario and Luigi rush down the stairs.

Bowser: Now, Peach... can I ask a favor from you?

Peach: Yes of course.

Bowser: I was planning to go down to Ms. Daisy's Hat store this afternoon, but I'm too nervous... I was wanting to ask her to go out with me, but I'm too embarrassed.

Peach: Oh, Bowser, there's nothing to be embarrassed about, Ms. Daisy is an extremely nice woman. I'm sure she'd like you.

Bowser: But will you please come with me. . . she knows you better.

Peach: Oh all right. Meet me at the bench in front of Daisy's hat store around noon, we'll go in together.

Bowser: Okay, yes I need to go. I'm going to be late, for that...uhhhhh... Thing.

Peach: Oh yes, you wouldn't want to be late for the thing.

Bowser rushes out of his house, as Peach walks into the bedroom to help Birdo and Kamek.

Peach(from inside the bedroom): Birdo, could you please go out into the living room. I left my purse out there.

Birdo walks in, but is stopped by a mysterious voice coming from the stairway.

Mysterious voice from the stairway: Psssst!

Birdo: Yoshi!

She rushed over to the stairs as Yoshi steps up.

Yoshi: Birdo, my love. Please come with me.

Birdo: I need my luggage.

Yoshi: Forget your luggage, come with me. We're running away/

Birdo (impossibly loud): RUNNING AWAY!

Kamek (from inside bedroom): HUH?

Yoshi: Shhhh, now please come with me. Bowser doesn't want me marrying you. He's planning to you keep me away from you.

Birdo (even louder): KEEP YOU AWAY!

Yoshi: Birdo, please. . . Now if you come with me, we can get married.

Birdo: Yoshi, you know I want to marry you. . . but under these circumstances. I don't thank I can.

Yoshi: But this may be our only chance.

Their conversation is interrupted by Peach who walks into the room.

Peach: how long does it take to find a purse! Oh hello, Yoshi. I hope you're not planning anything inexplicable.

Yoshi: No, not at all.

Birdo: But he is! He wants to run away with me and get married... and forget my luggage!

Peach: Oh dear lord, not your luggage!

Birdo: I know!

Peach: Don't you two worry. I'll talk to Bowser for you... I can convene to make the right choice. Believe me, we'll be dancing at your wedding real soon.

Yoshi: Thank you, Peach. With that. I bed you farewell Birdo, and I shall meet you tonight for dinner.

Birdo: Goodbye, Yoshi.

Yoshi descends down the stairs, as Kamek struggles in with Birdo's luggage.

Peach: Okay, Birdo. Your luggage will be shipped to Kammy's house. Bowser and I shall meet you and Yoshi there, Hopefully I can get him to allow you two to wed.

Birdo: Oh thank you Peach.

Kamek, Peach, and Birdo all leave the house.

Mario and Luigi walk up.

Luigi: Ugh

Mario: What's wrong.

Luigi: Don't you realize our 'few extra coins' was the exact amount of coins we get everyday.

Mario: No, but they looked a little shinnier!

Luigi: That's not the point. I'm tired of staying here! I want to go out and have adventure! To have fun!

Mario: But, who would watch the store.

Luigi: You remember last year when all those rotten tomato cans exploded, and the smell was so bad we had to close the store?

Mario: Yah...

Luigi: Well some more are about to explode.

Mario: Holy cabooses! How do you know?

Luigi: I know they're rotten, all they need is a little heat and BAM! They explode.

Mario: Okay, you go blow 'em up. I'll stay up here where it's safe.

Luigi walks down the stairs, and few seconds later a loud bang can be heard, as a horrible stench fills the entire house.

Mario: Eww, Luigi. I can smell it all the way up here.

Luigi runs up the stairs, holding his nose.

Luigi: Mario, put on your best clothes. We're going to Toad Town!

Luigi and Mario both run out of the store, and head to Toad Town with high hopes, and eyes open for adventure.

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So what did you think... yes I know there's probably a few spelling errors spell check didn't catch... but oh well. I hope you enjoyed it.

With all due respect,  
J. R. Williams


	2. Act two

Disclaimer: I do not own this story, or the characters.

Okay my adoring fans here's is the next part of The Matchbreaker... I hope you enjoy it.

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The Matchbreaker, act two

Ms. Daisy's Hat shop

It's a relatively nice day in the town of Toad Town, and Daisy and Toadette are getting ready to close up their shop.

Daisy (placing a giant green hat with huge pink feathers sticking up in the air of a poor toad lady's head): Oh I insist you must simply wear this hat, all the men will mob you.

Toad lady: Um... no...

Daisy walks back to her counter turns the hat around then walks back.

Daisy: Now this one is even better. I must insist you buy it.

Toad Lady: Isn't that the same hat?

Daisy: Now why would I place the same hat on that lovely head of yours if you said you didn't like it?

Toad Lady: I don't know you tell me!

Daisy: Fine if you're going to act like that then get out of my store.

Daisy throws the ugly hat at her costumer, and pushes her out the door.

Car: HONK!

Toad Lady: AAAAA!

Toadette (looking out the window): Daisy, I think you just killed another costumer.

Daisy: Well she had it comin'.

Toadette: Daisy... there was something I've been meaning to ask you. Have you... well do you have plans on marrying... Bowser?

Daisy: Bowser. But of course I want to marry him.

Toadette: But do you...

Daisy: Do I what? Do I love him... Of course I don't love him. I've just wanted to stop selling these stupid hats.

Toadette: But don't you like working with hats?

Daisy: Now who in their right mind would enjoy working with hats? I'm ready to sell this store, and go out and... and go dancing, have fancy dinners, go on an adventure.

Toadette: How exactly do you plan to do that?

Daisy: Oh... I don't know. When the times comes I'll know it.

Toadette: Ms. Daisy... here come some more costumers. It's two men!

Daisy: Two men? Well I haven't seen men in here in ages! Toadette come in the work room with me... we can make an adventure out of this.

Toadette (whilst being dragged by Daisy): And how exactly do you plan to do that?

Daisy: I don't know

She slams the door as the front door to the hat shop is swung open, by none other than Mario and Luigi.

Luigi: I think we're safe.

Mario: Now what do you think of that? We spend all day walking around Toad Town, then we turn on the quietest street here then Bowser turns the corner!

Luigi: Now, as long as we're in here we might be safe. I don't think Bowser will want to come into a hat shop.

Mario: Hey, Luigi, look Peach is out there sitting on the bench with him

Luigi: That figures! The only people we know and there they are.

Mario: What are we going to do?

Luigi (looking around the store): I know! Let's pretend we're buying a hat.

Mario: Good idea!

Luigi: I could have sworn I saw two ladies in here though. Who owns this place anyway?

Mario: The sign said "Ms. Daisy. Hat's for ladies."

Luigi: Ms. Daisy eh? Hmmm, let me practice this... Hello Ms. Daisy. Lovely weather we're having. By the way do you have any hats? No... um Hello Ms. Daisy...

(Daisy walks in from the work room, not seen by Mario or Luigi)

Luigi: We've been looking everywhere for some beautiful hats

Daisy: Is that so?

Luigi (jumping back, embarrassed): Um... hello, are you Ms. Daisy?

Daisy: Please just call me Daisy

Luigi: Daisy (he kisses her hand)

Daisy: Hey! That was uncalled for! I don't even know your name!

Daisy starts smacking him with her purse, and is about to push him out the door, but—

Mario: Luigi! Bowser, and Peach they're about to come in!

Luigi backs away from the door

Luigi: Daisy... um if you'll excuse, but I gotta hide.

Daisy: What do you mean?

Luigi: I mean..

Mario: Look out!

Luigi: I'll explain later!

Luigi and Mario jump into the closet behind them.

Daisy: Come out of there! Come out of there right now!

Peach and Bowser walk in.

Peach: Daisy, dear, why are you screaming at your closet?

Daisy: Oh... no reason.

Peach: I see. Well you always have talked to strange objects. Oh remember that one time in High school when you were caught makin out with—

Daisy: It's best not to speak of that Peach.

Bowser is about ready to open the closet

Daisy: BOWSER DON'T!

Bowser jumps away from the closet scarred out of his wits

Bowser: What?

Daisy: I mean, come see me work room.

Daisy leads Bowser towards her work room.

Daisy: You too Peach

Peach: Oh I've seen your work room a million times.

Daisy grabs her by the hair and pulls her into the work room.

Slowly the closet door opens, and Mario and Luigi sneaks out.

Mario: I think she wants us to leave.

Luigi: No, I ain't goin'. Not till I get some digits.

Mario: Here take her calculator. Now let's go!

Luigi: No way, I'm a gentleman. I can't walk out on her like that.

Mario: But you can hide in her closet?

Luigi: Yes.

Mario: Well you've found your adventure... you've got us in a fine mess Luigi.

Peach (from the work room): Oh excuse me Daisy. I forgot my purse.

Luigi and Mario scramble for the closet but Luigi tips over the chair, causing Mario to trip over that, and crashes onto the table.

Peach(very calmly): My. Mario my dear, why are you laying on Daisy's table?

Mario: I'm sleepy.

Peach: I doubt that. Mario... if you're here I'm sure Luigi is too. Where is he?

Luigi emerges from the closet.

Peach: Ah! There you are.

Luigi: Peach if you don't mind, I'd like for you to keep this whole mishap a secret.

Peach: I will, but I can't help but wonder what you are doing in Ms. Daisy's closet.

Luigi: We came in here to hide from Bowser, but then I met Daisy... and I fell in love.

Mario: But she hates him

Peach: Well Daisy will certainly hate you more if you keep hiding in her hat shop.

Luigi: I know, I'd love to talk with her... but Bowser is—

Once again Luigi is interrupted by the sound of Bowser's voice.

Bowser (from inside the work room): I really don't care how you pin feathers on an ugly hat.

Luigi scrambles back to the closet, as Mario darts under the table.

Bowser: Now Daisy... I've... I've been wanting to ask you this for a long time.

Daisy: Just the thing Toadette said to me.

Bowser: Well Daisy, I find you very attractive... and I was wondering if you would like to maryy me.

Bowser hands her a box of chocolates

Daisy: Bowser this is very kind. But I have my heart set on another.

Bowser: Who is he?

Daisy: You might know him... he's Luigi.

A loud noise is heard from the closet.

Bowser: Luigi? How could you possible know him, he doesn't have the money to spend time here in Toad Town.

Peach: Oh that's what you may think, but Luigi leads a double life. He's always out with his friends, dancing the night away. He as loads of money, in fact her rides the Excess Express everywhere he goes. The Luigi I know is nothing like the Luigi you know. And he is a very kind man, a romantic. winks to Daisy

Toadette walks in from the work room.

Toadette: Daisy. I just remembered we have to get that package ready for Ms. Thorton.

Daisy: Oh yes, we must get that off before closing.

Toadette: I mustn't forget my coat.

Toadette walks toward the closet, to get her coat.

Daisy: No Toadette don't!

Toadette opens the closet

Toadette! AAAAA!

Bowser jumps out of his seat.

Bowser: What?

Toadette: My lord! There's a man in there!

Bowser: What? A Man?

Daisy rushes over to the door ans closes it shut.

Peach (still sitting down filing her fingernails): Oh there's nothing to worry, it's just Toadette's nerves playing tricks on her again.

Daisy: Yes that's right. Toadette I suggest you lay in the work room for a while. Try to calm down, and I'll finsish this order for Ms. Thorton.

Toadette (gasping for breath): Okay, okay...

She walks back into the workroom.

Bowser: What was all that about?

Daisy: It's best to go undiscussed

Bowser: Well! If you're going to hide men in your store and flirt with my soon to be ex-employee, then I bid you farewell. I shan't bother to bother you again, and vise versa!

Bowser grabs the chocolates back from Daisy and stamps out the door, followed by Peach.

Slowly the closet doors reopens, and Mario crawls out from under the table.

Daisy: So... you have a glamourous life huh?

Luigi: Well I...

Daisy: Would you take me to a restaurant?

Luigi: Yah, I think McDonald's is right around the corner.

Daisy: MCDONALD'S! I will not be seen eating at a place such as that. You're taking us to the finest restaurant in town.

Luigi: Us?

Daisy: Me and Toadette of course.

Toadette comes out of the work room.

Daisy: It's all right Toadette, it was only these two men. The trouble makers! This is Luigi, and his brother Mario.

Mario kneels on one knee and kisses Toadette's hand, which gets a giggle from her

Mario: Well, how do you do?

Daisy: Toadette pick any hat and coat in the store. They're taking us to Taste T.'s restaurant.

Mario: Taste T.'s restautant! We can't—

Luigi elbows him in the side, quieting him.

Luigi: We can't wait for you to accompany us. Now... ladies first.

Daisy and Toadette walk out the door, followed by Luigi and Mario. The four of them had finally found what they were looking for. A life of adventure.

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We're almost done, which makes you think "thank god" but the last two acts are my favorite. So I'll probably get those done quite quickly.


	3. Act three

Hello again my dear fans. I must say though... I apologize for my last chapter... the spelling and all that stuff wasn't very good. But then again I rely mostly on spell check and if it doesn't see something, then neither do I. Well I can say I tried to look this one over, so it should be a bit better.

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Disclaimer: I do not own this story, or the characters.

The Matchbreaker, act three

Taste. T's restaurant.

Toad and Bowser are seen entering the restaurant, Toad is mystified by the elegance of it, all Bowser wants is a table to himself.

Bowser to Toadsworth, the waiter: Now! Listen to me! I want a table by myself, it was going to be for three, but now it's only two.

Toad: Yep. Me and him!

Bowser: No you idiot. Me and Peach.

Toad: Oooo, that's a bad combination. You'll regret it.

Bowser: Shut your pie hole! Now like I said, I want a table for two, a bottle of wine.

Toadsworth: Moselle? Chablis? Beaujolais?

Bowser: Uh...

Toad: He clearly doesn't understand English... try talking louder.

Bowser yelling way to loudly: I WANT A BOTTLE OF WINE!

All the customers in the restaurant: AAAA!

In a matter of seconds the place is empty.

Toadsworth: I can speak English perfectly well. You don't have to scream! I just asked what kind of wine you wanted.

Bowser: Wine like everyone else has. Oh and with that I want a big plate of mushroom steak.

Toad: Mushroom steak! You'll regret it!

Bowser: I said shut your mouth foo'!

Toad: Oh no you didn't! snaps in a Z formation

Bowser: Don't do that. You're embarrassing me. turns to Toadsworth Okay go away, I want to yell at my employee in private.

Suddenly a loud crash is heard from outside.

Peach from outside: Curse these heels. I can't walk in them.

Bowser: That's Birdo! With that rascal Yoshi! And Peach is with them! Oh wait till I get my hands on them.

Toad trying to stop Bowser, but failing: Remember what Pennington said!

Bowser: Oh when they walk through those doors they're gonna wonder where their spinal cord went.

Toad: Bowser.. Remember what... eww their spinal cord? Remember what Pennington said!

Bowser: Pennington said what, Toad?

Toad: Observe your enemy... hear what they're planning... wait... watch... listen

Bowser: Fine.

Toad leads Bowser back to his table, and they both flip up their menus, hiding conspicuously behind them.

Peach, Birdo, and Yoshi walk in.

Peach: Here you are dears. Tase T.'s restaurant.

Birdo: But... I've never ate in a public restaurant! breaks out into tears

Yoshi: Now Birdo, it will be all right. If you don't like what you get I'll just eat it,

Peach: Awww, how sweet. Now Birdo, Yoshi follow me upstairs I've reserved a table for you both.

Yoshi: Thank you Peach.

Peach leads Yoshi and Birdo upstairs.

Toad: So, they plan to have dinner in private. SUSPICIOUS!

Bowser: Shut up. Now I want you to call that fat old cabman in here. I want to speak with him.

Toad: All right!

Bowser pulls out a piece of paper and a pen, then begins writing

Bowser: Dear hideous hag (Kammy). This Birdo, and her feansee, Yoshi. I want you to keep them a your house until I get there. Oh and this lets try to not involve the needle, the peanut butter and the camera like last time. Your pal, Bowser.

Toadsworth: Who are you talking to?

Bowser: No one, I was just writing a note.

Toadsworth: So you had to announce to everyone.

Bowser: I had to let the audience know what I was writing.

Toadsworth: What audience?

Bowser: Uh! Get out of my sight.

Toadsworth exits into the kitchen, as Toad and Wario, the cabman, enter.

Wario whilst scratching his butt: What's he want.

Bowser: Aw, yes. I wanted to speak to you.

Wario: Well I can't talk. I'm waiting for people.

Bowser: I know that. And once they arrive I want you to take them to this address.

Bowser hands Wario a piece of paper that reads 8 Jackson street Toad Town.

Wario: So, are you saying you're wanting me to push these poor innocent people into the house of an old ugly hag?

Bowser: Exactly.

Wario: Well I can get them there, but I can't guarantee that they'll stay there.

Bowser: Can you for. . . a coin?

Wario: Uh. . . I don't think so.

Bowser: How a bout a red coin?

Wario: Even for a red coin, I can't do it alone.

Bowser points to Toad: This guy will help you.

Toad: Wait what? You want me to start forcing people into houses! No! That's not what I signed up for.

Bowser: WELL YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING ANYTHING ELSE!

Toad: So?

Bowser: So! I want you to keep Birdo and Yoshi into Kammy's house!

Wario: But... I still don't think that we can keep them there.

Bowser: For a blue coin you can.

Toad: And murder begins at a star!

Bowser: Shut up!

Toad: Whatever.

Bowser slaps Toad. Toad slaps Bowser. Bowser uses fire breath, burning Toad to a crisp.

Toadsworth: Ah, roasted 'shroom. Table two ordered that.

Toad: Hey! I'm not food!

Bowser: Anyway. If you can Birdo and Yoshi at Kammy's house until I come, I'll consider giving you 2 blue coins.

Wario: Two blue coins! Wow... okay you got yourself a deal.

Bowser's cell phone rings.

Bowser: Hello? Oh all right! he hangs up you guys stay here until I return. I need to go help Lemmy with his car. He doesn't live far away... I'll be back soon.

Toad: See ya...

Bowser leaves the restaurant.

Toad: Idiot.

Wario: Aww, you don't like him?

Toad: Are you joking? Have you ever heard of someone who actually likes their employer?

Wario: I suppose you're right.

Toad: Of course I'm right.

They sit down at the table, and a long awkward silence over takes them.

Toad: Okay, now I'm bored. Hey Wario. Let's sneak into the kitchen and see if they have any whiskey.

Wario: Whiskey?

Toad: Of course. You don't expect me to push people into house when I'm sober do you?

Wario: You're right let's go.

They enter the kitchen as Luigi, Daisy, Mario, and Toadette enter the restaurant.

Daisy: Oh see Toadette, I told you. Isn't this place lovely?

Toadette: My dear! This place is simply amazing... is this what they call a restaurant?

Daisy: Duh! My lord child you gotta get out more.

Toadette is baffled by this glamourous restaurant, and is still standing while everyone else is seated at Bowser's reserved table.

Luigi: This is a nice place isn't it?

Daisy: You should know you come here all the time.

Mario: Luigi? He—

Luigi kicks him from under the table.

Mario: Yah... he comes here at least 4 times a day.

Daisy: Why? We only have three meals.

Luigi: What Mario means is that there are many girls I come to see here. And I am very familiar with all the waiters here.

Daisy: Marvelous!

Toadsworth walks up.

Toadsworth: Good evening.

Luigi: AH! Walter! How are you my friend

Toadsworth: Who are you talking about? My name is Toadsworth.

Daisy gives him a look of suspicion.

Luigi: Yes, Toadsworth. That's what I meant.

Toadsworth: So there are three of you?

Daisy: No... Toadette! Oh Mario will you please get her over here.

Toadette, who is starring longingly at a coat rack is dragged back to the table by Mario.

Toadsworth: Now, what can I get you?

Luigi: I would like some bread... and um water.

Daisy: Bread and water! Please this is not a prison! Toadsworth. I want some 'shroom roast. A 'Shroom spaghetti for Toadette, and some nice fresh plums.

Luigi: Yah, and I want a baked 'shroom.

Mario: A double 'shroom burger for me!

Luigi: Oh and I want some champagne (pronouncing it sham-pag-in)

Toadsworth: You mean champagne?

Luigi: Yes that's what I said, champagne. (Still pronouncing it wrong)

Toadsworth: So I have a 'shroom roast, 'shroom spaghetti, fresh plums, a baked 'shroom, a double 'shroom burger, and champagne.

Daisy: Yes that's correct. Now hurry it up, we're hungry.

Toadsworth: Yes ma'am.

Toadsworth exits to the kitchen.

Daisy: Oh isn't this place wonderful?

Luigi: Indeed it is.

Daisy stands up and begins dancing around in circles, tipping over chairs, a coatrack, and a potted plant, but she doesn't seem to notice.

Daisy: Luigi! Dance with me.

Luigi: Um, no. Sorry Daisy, but my church says we're not allowed to dance in public.

Daisy: Oh, I don't believe you. Toadette you dance with me.

Toadette stands up and begins dancing with Daisy.

Daisy: Why, Toadette, you dance beautifully.

Toadette: I dance all the time in the workroom when you're not looking.

Daisy is instantly enraged and throws Toadette across the table.

Daisy: HOW DARE YOU DANCE BEHIND MY BACK!

Toadette: Geez! I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would offend you that much!

Daisy: OFFENDED! I'M ANGRY BEYOND REPAIR!

Luigi: Now, Daisy calm down.

Daisy: NO! I—

She is instantly calm when she sees Toadsworth walk by with a bottle of champagne.

Daisy: Toadsworth, what's that?

Toadsworth: Is some champagne, ma'am.

Daisy: Oh, Luigi. It's out champagne (also pronouncing it sham-pag-in)

Toadsworth: Um no ma'am it's for Mayor or Toad Town, and I must say he's quite impatient.

Daisy: How dare he? Oh when I see him he's gonna wish he had never ordered champagne.

Toadsworth: So I insist you wait till your champagne is ready.

Daisy: NO! I WILL NOT!

Toadsworth: All right, all right. Here.

Daisy happily takes the champagne and sits back down at the table.

Daisy: Someone make a toast!

Luigi: But we don't have any toasters.

Daisy: Oh you idiot. Mario, make a toast.

Mario: Okay... um... well... to.. To all the ladies in the world. May I get to know more of them. And to the ones that I know, may I get to know them better.

Daisy: Oh. That was so sweet, and so. . . refined.

Mario: Hear that Luigi? I'm refined.

Daisy: Indeed you are. And for that I'm going to give you a kiss.

Daisy walks over to Mario, and kisses him.

Mario stands starry eyed for a minute then falls over.

Daisy: Aw! How cute.

She turns to Toadette who is busy chugging the bottle of champagne, thus getting her drunk.

Toadette: Cute as a muchkin pie baked at 30 degrees.

Daisy: Toadette, save some for us.

Toadette giggles, then hiccups and places the champagne bottle on the table. Toadsworth enters and begins setting up another table next to their table.

Daisy: Toadsworth! What are you doing?

Toadsworth: A table has been reserved here, and you took it so I'm making another.

Daisy: NO! They can eat inside. We want a table alone!

Toadsworth: Too bad! I'm making the table.

The kitchen door swings open and a loud laugh is heard from Toad.

Toadsworth: Here comes the man who brought the order.

Toad obviously drunk, stumbles up to Daisy

Daisy: Hey you drunken lunatic! Take your table away from here.

Toad with slurred words: My employer reserved this table at checks a watch that her doesn't have 13 o clock, and he said he wanted it without people!

Toadette also drunk, and flipping around in her chair: Yah! giggles as Mario pulls her back into her seat.

Daisy: Too bad! We got here first!

Toad: No! you didn't you were not here when I was.

Daisy: Luigi! Do something!

Luigi stands up, and gently tips over a chair.

Toadsworth: How about a screen. Let's place a screen between the tables.

Daisy: I will NOT eat behind a screen! Toadette this is it! The excitement I've been looking for! NO SCREEN! NO SCREEN!

Toadette stands on top of the table, crushing glasses and plates.

Toadette: No screen! giggles No screen! giggles again, then falls off the table, and is caught by Mario, then she giggles some more.

Toad hearing Bowser's vehicle pull up: Ha! Now you'll learn something! Here he comes. The big boss man!

Luigi: Where! I'll knock him flat on his face.

Mario recognizing the sound of the vehicle: Luigi! It's Bowser! I know it is! It's his clown car!

Luigi: Crap! Uh... I think the screen is a wonderful idea!

Daisy: What? What are you talking about? Stop changing your mind.

Luigi quickly sets up the screen as Toad falls asleep at Bowser's table.

Bowser walks in he pulls out his pocket watch which causes his wallet to fall out, but he doesn't seem to notice, what he does notice is the giant screen and Toad sleeping at his table.

Bowser smacking Toad across the head: TOAD!

Toad wiping the drool from his mouth: Huh?

Bowser: What's the meaning of this? I asked for a table ALONE! Not two tables divided by a screen!

Toad: I did I what I could, but some stupid chick over there insisted that she eat here. You know I was afraid she'd kill me.

Bowser: Hmmm sounds like Daisy.

Toad: Well she didn't look like a flower to me!

Bowser: Toad! You're really starting to bug me! Go away, I want you to go wait for the cabam in the cab. Now shoo!

Toad turns around but steps on Bowser's wallet.

Toad: Huh? What's this. . . a wallet! he opens the wallet Holy crap! There's like two million coins in here! Uh, Bowser sir. Did you drop something?

Bowser: What? No! Leave me alone.

Toad: Well if you didn't drop I bet that one guy in the green did when we were fighting over the screen.

Toad walks around the screen.

Toad: Uh... excuse me, but can I speak to you?

Luigi: Aw yes, I'm sorry about that little misunderstanding with the screen.

Toadette while flinging her pig tails around in circles: Yep. We're so sorry!

Toad: So I see. Well anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you were missing something.

Luigi: Other than the fact that I have no money?

Toad: So you did lose it... well sir. Here ya go.

Toad gives Luigi the wallet, and he looks inside.

Luigi: OH MY GOSH! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Toad: Aw, don't mention it.

Luigi: HOW COULD I EVER REPAY YOU?

Toad: Well for one, you could stop talking in all caps.

Luigi: Oh yes, sorry about that.

Toad: Well I just wanted to make sure you weren't at a loss without your wallet.

Luigi: Thank you so much!

Toad: Like I said don't mention it. But it's only because I'm drunk. If I was sober I would of had enough sense to take off with the money.

Luigi: So I see. Well, thanks again.

Toad: You're so very welcome.

Toad exits with a look of satisfaction.

Luigi: Daisy... I gotta say I'm feeling a lot better now, in fact I think Im going to tell you the truth.

Daisy: The truth?

Mario: Is out there! begins whistling the X-Files theme song

Luigi: Yes, the truth. Well the truth is. . . I'm not all those things Peach said I was. You know, rich and spends countless nights partying and having fun.

Daisy broken hearted: How could you lie to me like that?

Luigi: But one thing that I never lied about is how much I love you.

Daisy: Aw, I'm flattered.

Luigi: And I may as well have you know, Bowser is sitting on the other side of that screen, and if he sees me I could be in deep trouble.

Daisy: So that's why you had us whispering. Well I won't let him spoil my fun night. We came here for a night of fun and romance. looks to Toadette who is giggling uncontrollably and laying on Mario's lap. And I can see one of us have acquired both.

Peach enters from upstairs, but trips on her heels and comes crashing down the stairs bringing some of the wall paper and a poor innocent bystander with her.

Peach: These atrocious heels!

Bowser: Aw Peach, glad you could drop by.

Peach: Stop with the puns.

Bowser: Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Peach takes her seat next to Bowser.

Peach: So what have you ordered?

Bowser: I ordered the Mushroom steak.

Peach: Oh dear me, I don't think I could eat a steak. There's been too much drama tonight, with Yoshi and Birdo. They're here you know.

Bowser: Yes I know, and I've managed to get them in my grasp.

Peach jokingly: How, hiring a bunch of drunks to do what you tell them too.

Bowser nervous laugh: Uh, something like that.

Peach: Oh look here's Toadsworth with our food.

Toadsworth hands Peach and Bowser their food.

Peach: Thank you Toadsworth.

Toadsworth: You're very welcome ma'am.

Peach: Well eat up Bowser. You haven't eaten in quite a few hours.

Bowser: I know. . . It's been a hectic day today. First I thought I was going to marry Daisy, but things didn't turn out right.

Peach: Well if you learned to control your temper.

Bowser: I HAVE NO TEMPER!

Peach eating her steak: See.

Bowser: I guess you're right. . . but now I don't know who I'm going to marry.

Peach: Well that's a decision you'll have to make. You go your way she scoots the chair closer to Bowser and I'll go mine.

Bowser: I suppose so, but there are no other women in my life other than you, and hideous hag.

Peach: Well, who would you pick? scoots chair even closer

Bowser: Well

Peach: Yes?

Bowser: Well

Peach: Yes?

Bowser: Well... I'm don eating. I have a headache and I'm ready to go home. So here's the money to pay for the steak. searches his pockets, and finally realizes he has lost his wallet

Oh no I'm lost my wallet.

Peach with her mouth full of steak: Well, I could never picture you without your wallet! continues eating

Bowser: Stop! Stop eating the steak I can't pay for it.

Peach: Don't worry. We can lend money from Luigi.

Bowser: But isn't he at my shop?

Peach: Oh don't be silly Luigi is sitting on the other side of that screen.

Luigi: D'oh!

Bowser: Oh don't be ridiculous!

Peach: Don't believe me go ahead and check!

Luigi: Daisy! Toadette! Mario! Hide!

Daisy: Where!

Luigi: Quick around the screen!

The four of them move around the screen as walks around. Bowser notices the table is a mess thanks to Toadette standing on it, and also four empty seats but full glasses.

Bowser: Hmm, must be a bunch of boos.

Bowser walks back around as the other four return to their seats.

Bowser: I didn't see anybody!

Peach: Hmmm, must be my eyes playing tricks on me again.

On the other side of the screen.

Luigi: Daisy I think we had better go.

Daisy: Indeed, but you two can't just walk across... um... here! Put on out coats and hats, and we'll dace with you to the exit. He might think you're girls.

Mario: Well he'd have to be blind!

Toadette bursting into laughter: Ha ha HA! HA HA! You're funny. kisses him on the cheek

A toad girl enters and begins playing the piano.

Peach: Oh Bowser how can you say you're not enjoying yourself.

Bowser: Well I have no money!

Peach: So I see, but listen to the music. Doesn't it bring back memories, like all those times we've danced together.

Bowser: I suppose so.

Peach: Now don't tell me you're too old to dance.

Bowser: I most certainly am not!

Peach: Then show me.

Bowser and Peach began dancing as Daisy leads Luigi to the door with Toadette drunkenly hanging from Mario's shoulders. Peach notices them trying to escape and bumps Bowser into Luigi on purpose, knowing that is will cause trouble.

Bowser: Oh, I'm so sorry ma'am.

Luigi in fake female voice: Oh it's quite all right.

Bowser notices the strange voice, and throws off Luigi's hat.

Bowser: YOU! YOU'RE FIRED! NOT ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU! AND WHERE'S THAT OTHER IDIOT MARIO!?!

Mario desperately trying to break free from Toadette: Right here sir!

Bowser: BOTH OF YOU OUT OF MY SIGHT NOW!

Luigi grabs Mario's arm and runs out the door, and Toadette runs back to the champagne.

Bowser: Daisy? What are you doing here?

Daisy: That I believe is none of your business.

She grabs Toadette and pulls her out the door.

Peach: See Bowser this is your life, without your wallet, without your employees, and without a bride. Will you marry me now?

Bowser: NO!

He also stamps out of the restaurant.

Peach: Well in time perhaps.

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Now before you say anything I meant to spell fiance wrong. Well the next act is my favorite, and I hope you'll like it as well.

With all due respect,  
J. R. Williams


	4. Act four

Well this is the end. Act four. I read through it as much as I could so hopefully the final one will be spelling-error free!

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Disclaimer: I do not own this story, or the characters.

The Matchbreaker, act four

Kammy's house, 8th Jackson street, Toad Town.

Kammy, a very old, very crazy woman, is sitting in her chair intently watching tv, and eating potato chips. Her cook, who is very worried out Birdo, Kammy's great niece, who was supposed to have arrived with Yoshi an hour ago.

Cook: You don't think anything happened to the poor girl do you?

Kammy: No...

Cook: How can you be so sure?

Kammy: Oh my dear, you'll have to realize... I would never let anything happen to you.

Cook: What? Not me! Birdo!

Kammy: Who?

Cook: Your great niece!

Kammy: Oh yes, her! Now I remember... Story of my life. (sniffs her smelling salts) I remember long ago when Birdo was just a little egg. I remember how delighted I was when she hacthed.

Cook: I'm sure you were

Kammy: Yes, and Bowser was over joyed at the fact of having a niece, he never had a child of his own you know. But I detest Bowser and anyone who stands in the way of young lovers. Yoshi, and Birdo were meant to be together! COOK! I heard a car! Quick check out the window.

Cook checks out the window, but doesn't see anything.

Cook: Now ma'am, I didn't see anything.

Kammy: Just as I suspected. It's my imagination. Everything in life is like that, imagination, illusion. Our plans, our hopes, our dreams. What becomes of them (dramatically throws her head over the back of the chair) Nothing. Story of my life.

Cook: But Bowser was sending someone with her right?

Kammy: Well you know, two can go astray as easily as... looks frantically for her smelling salts. COOK! Where did my smelling salts go!

Cook: Ma'am, they're right there in your hand.

Kammy (looking at Cook accusingly): How did they get there... I won't inquire. Stranger things have happened. Just like that one time with the camera the needle and the peanut butter. Story of my life.

Cook: Kammy! I hear a car pulling up now!

Cook rushed over to the window, but is met by a surprise.

Cook: AAAAAAA!

Wario, who is drunk, crashes the cab through Kammy's living room, and sending the cook flying through the room, and crashes into Kammy's tv.

Kammy: Cook? Why are you laying on my tv?

Cook (scared out of her mind): A car just crashed through your house!

Kammy turns around slowly, and sees Toad and Wario sitting in the car, which is in the middle of her living room.: Oh how lovely. Cook invite them in.

Cook stumbles up and opens the car door for Wario and Toad.

Toad (with horribly slurred words): Thank you, milady!

Wario (also slurred words): Come on you two into the pretty lady's house.

Wario pulls two people out of the car, but it's not who it's supposed to be. It's Mario and Luigi.

Luigi: I'm telling you, we're not who you think we are!

Mario: Yes, we have no business being here!

Toad (stumbling to Kammy): Begging your pardon ma'am, but are you... (focuses on the paper) Ms. Van Huysen?

Kammy: No. I'm Kammy

Toad: That's what I said

Kammy: No you said... Ms. Van Huysen, do you want me to start calling you Malachi?

Toad: Who's that?

Kammy: Exactly... (sighs) Story of my life!

Toad: Well anyway, Bowser wrote this note for you. (searches his pockets, but finds nothing) OH NO! I lost the note!

Kammy: Pssst! It's in your hand!

Toad: Oh yes, thank you. Here you are ma'am.

Toad hands Kammy the note, then sits comfortably on her couch. Taking off his muddy boots.

Kammy reading the note aloud: Dear hideous hag (Kammy). This is Biro and her feansee, Yoshi. I want you to keep them at your house until I get there. Oh and this time lets try not to involve the needle, the peanut butter and the camera like last time (laughs) Story of my life . . . Your pal, Bowser. So you two must be Birdo and Yoshi.

She gets up and drags Mario and Luigi to her chair.

Kammy (to Mario): You must be horribly cold in your wet clothes. Here I'll go get a nice hot bath ready for you.

Mario: Uh... I don't need a bath. I took one on Saturday

Toad: Ewww!

Mario: Really, I don't want to take a bath. I. . . I always catch cold.

Kammy: Oh you won't catch a cold, I'll slap you all over!

Kammy exits into the bathroom.

Mario: Great going Luigi. This is all your fault.

Luigi: My fault?!?! How is it my fault.

Mario: Let me direct your attention to act one "Come on Mario let's go on an adventure." If you would have just sat in the shop, none of this would have happened!

Luigi: But you've got to admit, it sure is fun!

Mario: FUN! I'm dressed up like a girl, and now I gotta take a bath and get slapped all over, and who knows what else . . .

Kammy walks in

Kammy: Birdo! I'm getting your bath ready.

Kammy drags Mario and Luigi to the couch, and accidently sits on Toad.

Toad: Mmmmamfmm!

Kammy: What was that Birdo?

Mario: You're sitting on Toad.

Kammy: Who?

Luigi: The drunk!

Kammy hops up and sees Toad

Kammy: YOU! I want you and that drunken cabman to wait in my hallway. Cook! Take them

Cook walks around the couch and tries to get Toad off the couch and in to the hallway, which fails, so instead she takes his boots.

Toad: Hey!

Cook (almost barfing from the smell of it all): No, you don't get them back 'till you go in the hall.

Cook leads Toad and Wario to the hall, and offers Toad his boots. Toad, thinking it is a wonderful gift offers them back to her, she pushes them back, as he offers them again and the is repeated.

Kammy: Birdo, Yoshi. I know that you two will be married by next week.

Mario: Um, I'd rather not.

Kammy: Oh, don't tell me your uncle has got into your head.

Toad finally takes his 'gift'

Toad: Thank you ma'am, I shall be waiting for you in the hallway.

Toad winks, blows the cook a kiss, then walks into the hallway followed by Wario.

Luigi: You're taking that fact that there are two drunken men in your house quite well.

Mario: Yah, and the car in your living room.

Kammy: Oh, don't bother about that now! Cook! I want you to make a nice banana bread for Yoshi here, while I finish Birdo's bath

Suddenly a boot comes flying from the hallway and hits Cook in the back of the head.

Toad: I'm still waiting my love.

Cook: (sigh) Okay, ma'am I'll be in the kitchen.

Cook exits into the kitchen.

Now, come on Birdo. You're bath is nearly ready.

Mario: Luigi!

Luigi: Mario!

Kammy: Birdo! Yoshi!

Toad (from the hallway): Toad!

Kammy is about to drag Mario into the bathroom when suddenly the door bell rings.

Kammy spinning around, and scared out of her mind: WHAT'S THAT! Oh it's just the door bell I suspect it's your uncle.

Luigi and Mario exchange worried looks.

Kammy: Cook! Answer the door! Birdo, you come with me. Luigi you go into the kitchen

Kammy leads Mario into the bathroom as Luigi walks into to the kitchen, as Cook walks from the kitchen to the front door. She opens it to see Yoshi and Birdo.

Cook: Hello? Um...Who, may I ask, are you?

Yoshi: I am Yoshi, and this is my fiancé, Birdo.

Cook: But that's impossible! Oh come in anyway, it's starting to rain.

Yoshi and Birdo walk past Toad and Wario who are leaned up against the wall drinking themselves silly.

Cook: So you're Birdo?

Birdo: Yes, I am

Cook: And he's Yoshi?

Yoshi: Yes I am.

Cook: And your Bowser's niece?

Birdo: Yes.

Cook: Not possible! I'll tell Kammy who you _think _you are, but she's not gonna like it.

Cook proceeds into the bathroom.

Yoshi: Now, Birdo. You'll be safe here. I had best go before Bowser sees me.

Birdo (bursting into tears): Oh! Yoshi! You can't leave me here, not with all these drunken men in the hall!

Yoshi: You'll be fine, Kammy will watch after you.

Yoshi heads for the exit.

Birdo: Yoshi, you can't leave!

Toad and Wario, who have suddenly blocked Yoshi from escaping: mocking Birdo: Yoshi, you can't leave!

Birdo grabs Yoshi and pulls him away from the door.

Birdo: See?

Yoshi: But what if Kammy sees me?

Birdo: Kammy's crazy, I think we can convince her you are Luigi!

Yoshi: Luigi? Who's Luigi?

Birdo: Oh he's some guy that works with uncle.

Kammy walks from the bathroom.

Kammy: Hello... um who are you?

Birdo: Don't you remember me Kammy? It's me Birdo!

Kammy: Impossible! Birdo arrived here not to long ago. She came with the man she's in love with, Yoshi.

Yoshi & Birdo: Yoshi!

Kammy: Yes, Yoshi. Now who, may I ask, are you?

She gestures to Yoshi

Yoshi: I'm uh... Luigi?

Birdo: Yes, Kammy this is Luigi.

Kammy: Well would you like a nice hot bath?

Yoshi: No

Kammy: Not you, Birdo.

Birdo: Yes, very much.

Kammy: Well when Birdo gets out you can go in.

Luigi enters from the kitchen.

Birdo: Luig—

Luigi: Shhh I'll explain everything.

Kammy: Ah! Yoshi, I'd like you to meet Luigi. (looking to Yoshi) Luigi, I'd like you to meet Yoshi (looks to Luigi )

Yoshi: Look, Kammy. I can tell you that he is not Yoshi

Luigu: Look, Kammy. I can tell you that he is not Luigi.

Kammy: Ha ha ha! You two are funny.

Suddenly the door bell rings again. Kammy is frozen in utter fear, and Cook enters from the kitchen.

Cook: It's just the door bell again.

Kammy: Well answer it!

Cook walks past Toad and Wario and answers the door, letting in Peach, Daisy. Toadette is outside spinning in circles in the rain puddles.

Toadette: I'm singin' in the rain! Just singin' in the rain! What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!

Daisy: Toadette! Get over here!

Cook: Um...

Peach barges past the cook, steps on Wario, and enters the living room.

Peach: Kammy, my dear. Why are two drunken men in your hallway.

Kammy totally care free: Oh I don't know, Bowser sent them to me.

Peach notices Luigi: Why, Luigi, we keep running into each other in the strangest places.

Kammy: Oh Peach don't be silly, that's Yoshi.

Peach: Yoshi? No that's Yoshi (points to Yoshi)

Kammy: No, that's Luigi.

Daisy (from the hallway): Toadette! Don't encourage them.

Suddenly the sound of breaking glass is heard, followed by a roaring laugh from Toad, Toadette, and Wario.

Cook runs out into the living room, then into the kitchen.

Daisy drags Toadette into the living, who is giggling ferociously, into the living room, and sits her in one of Kammy's chairs.

Daisy: Hello, Kammy. Toadette here has gone a bit tipsy. Would you happen to make some coffee, good and black?

Kammy: COOK! Coffee good and black!

Kammy: By the way, where's Bowser?

Peach: Oh he's outside trying to pay for the cab without any money.

Peach: Daisy, you paid the bill at the restaurant. You must have tons of money.

Daisy: Oh, this is his own purse he lost. I can't give it back without seeming...

Peach: Here give me the wallet, you take some money to pay for the cab. I'll give him his wallet later.

Daisy opens the wallet upside down and spill money everywhere.

Toadette (with a squeal of delight): Oooo! Money, money, money, money, money.

Daisy gathers her change, then walks out the door, avoiding Toad and Wario.

Daisy: I'll take care of that Bowser!

Daisy rushes out the door.

A few moments later Bowser enters Kammy's house.

Toad: Hello Bowser!

Wario: Two blue coins Bowser!

Bowser: YOU! BOTH OF YOU! YOU'RE FIRED! (He turns to Yoshi, and Luigi) AND YOU TWO, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

Kammy slaps Bowser upside the head with a golfclub.

Kammy: You do not just barge into my house and order everyone about! Now shake hands with both them!

Bowser turns to Luigi and smiles fakely.

Bowser: Don't regard this as a hand shake.

He turns to Yoshi.

Bowser: I never want to see you again.

Suddenly Toadette falls out of her chair, then screams

Toadette (impossibly loud): OW!

Toad (from the hallway): Ow!

Daisy: Is that coffee ready yet? I know three people that could really use it.

Kammy: Yes, everyone let's go into the kitchen. I'm sure Cook has the banana bread ready and the coffee is probably almost done.

Everyone except, Bowser and Peach exit into the kitchen.

Peach: Bowser. . . I got some good news.

Bowser: What?

Peach: I found your wallet.

Bowser: my lord! You're a wonderful woman! I don't know what I'd ever do without you.

Peach: Well, I know that you can't keep your house clean. You also manage things very badly. . .

Bowser: You're ruining the moment.

Peach: Well, anyway. I just think you could use someone extra in your life.

Bowser (gazing into her eyes): I think I already know who it is.

They kiss for an ungodly amount of time.

Mario enters from the bathroom, and sees them kissing.

He walks over.

Mario: Uh... excuse me!

Bowser and Peach move apart.

Bowser: What are you doing!

Mario: Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here.

Bowser: Didn't know anyone was in here? Idiot!

Suddenly a loud noise is heard from the kitchen.

Cook: Toad put that down!

Daisy: He doesn't know what he's doing! RUN!

Everyone bursts out of the kitchen, screaming, except Toadette who is still giggling.

A laugh is heard from Toad, another loud noise is heard from the kitchen then Toad walks out with a smile on his face.

Bowser: Oh no, did he get into the cameras, needles, and peanut butter.

Kammy: He sure did.

Mario: Anyway! Bowser and Peach have got great news!

Bowser: Yes, Peach has consented—

Peach: Finally consented.

Bowser: Yes, finally consented to be my wife.

Kammy: That's extravagant!

One by one everyone leaves the house, and returns to their normal lives. Bowser and Peach lived together quite happily. Birdo and Yoshi, were finally married and had a great honeymoon out on Isle Delfino. Daisy and Luigi also were married a few years down the road. Toad and Toadette both ran off together, and were never heard of again. Kammy finally fixed the giant whole in her living room, and everyone lived tolerably ever after!

THE END

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Well this is the end... The Matchmaker was the first play I was ever in. I played Malachi. Our cast did an incredible job, we had a lovable Barnaby, great Minnie, and possibly the best Ms. Van Huysen this world has ever seen! Of course everyone else was also brilliant. I shan't forget you any time soon!

With all due respect,  
J. R. Willaims, better know as Malachi


End file.
